I have a love/hate relationship with musicals. They either annoy you while you’re there because of the incessant singing, dancing, and smiling in your general direction (really, NOBODY [who is sane] smiles that much), or you hear a tune so catchy that you spend days singing it in your mind, which leads to smiling (see first set of parenthesis for opinion on this). Either way, while it may be cute/entertaining at the time, musicals really just make for a bad week. Can you tell that I went to a musical last night? It was actually pretty good, which created a bigger issue for me: why the hell didn’t I become an actress?
Mind you, I’ve had my share of stage time. Ballet and other random competing dance troupes, theater club in high school, Oscar worthy performances in the bedroom (mind you, nobody really ‘wins’ in that situation). I’m also a great actress in everyday life. “That sweater, on you? Perfect! It goes so nicely with your eyes!”. If you asked my wife, I’m sure that she’d agree that my dramatic prose is beyond compare, in the best way, of course. Technically, all I’m missing is the ridiculously big house, the child named after an inanimate object or color, and a fan base. Nope, doesn’t seem difficult at all.
My whole issue with being an actress is the fact that they never seem to be ummm…how can I say this…happy. Or sane, for that matter. And happiness kinda matters to me a lot. Not that “We go on vacation every month and only eat at the finest restaurants” happy, but that “Remember that road trip where we were stuck in traffic and I held my pee for almost 3 hours??? That was fun!”. I’m simple, so in my little world, happiness is finally being able to go pee (Mind you, I have an overactive bladder, so I may give this subject a lot more credit than most). The sensation that occurs when you release all of the liquid that has been aching in your bowels is by far one of the most amazing feelings ever! Man! If that isn’t what happiness feels like, I don’t know what is! I don’t think there are any awards for that, but I’ll damn sure take it. So, yes, I did just almost convince myself that going to pee is MUCH better than being an actress, and I’m gonna believe it for the next 47 minutes. I’ll probably even go pee to reconfirm. This shit actually works for me, which is good to know, because this blog is NOT about you.